Episode 104

Survive - Gabrielle

Time might get a little too tight. With the remaining time, maybe there's alot more that you can accomplish. Can we ever survive with the multitude of unpromising things life can bring? The only solution can mean freedom. It's only that individual who could make the subtle decision, am i right? It's that individual he/she could decide to get things back the way they are suppose to be. With the past, alot that we might have thrown or maybe put aside. Maybe much that we missed. If freedom is the only solution you could possibly take on, then decide and tell the people you wished you'd tell.

I understand, there's a gazillion things you might have put back. People have started to miss you, people might have wanted you to come back to where you were before. And that was back then, there was a huge barricade stopping you from doing those things. Tell me, it was me right? If this is when you;ve decided, then go ahead, meet those people and reminisce those times you've missed. Go on. Just go on.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

And here i am, awaiting for what time would bring me to.

Episode 103.

Be with me like you always do.

If i were to choose, i would choose to make you stay rather than leaving me for that very long period of time. I would never give up nor back up with whatever situation it would be. I hold strong in this relationship, i really do.

Miss me like i miss you .

Episode 101 .

Say goodbye to me .

Let me share my episode for today.

Finally this morning, i cheered myself up. Apologising to boyfriend cause i;ve misled him much on how much i've changed. I knew it was painful to him, but it was much for me.

Met eqa for our girl's day out together. I was very bilthe! Got our hair extensions together , then i went to get my eyelash extensions. :) That was then i was excited to show boyfriend how i looked. I was sure he would compliment me.

Enough for the great afternoon, i headed home quickly for break-fast. As soon as i;m done, i look no further and rushed out if the house to meet boyfriend. "I was so excited tau nak jumpa you tadi. I wanted to embrace you, i nak sangat hug you. I rindu you so much. And i nak our day happy walaupun it;s very short. I wanted to see you badly. And i wanted to show my new look i got today. I was sure you suka. I want to see you smile hari ni despite of all yang happen earlier. I want you."

But, it was my carelessness again. I was about to cross over to his block when i realised i got three missed calls from boyfriend. At point of time, you tau, i was fucking scared you marah. Fuck mp3. I sumpah tak letak silent mode. Tapi, too bad, i didnt manage to assure you. In the end, you left me trudging back home sorang-sorang. I did tunggu for your reply at the bus stop, mengharap you would come and pick me. But that was my angan-angan sahaja. I was sedih sayang. Cause i thought you datang and see me. Tak pun, forgive me of my carelessness. CAUSE I NAK JUMPA YOU !

Sekarang, i can't even cry. Ini last goodbye you to me? Is this the last things you nak buat to me to just show your ego sayang? You have never did this. Kenapa sekarang. I pray hard you won't get into anything. Only Tuhan yang tahu how worried i am pasal you sekarang.

- NO raya this year

- NO orang to rant out my every feelings

- EVERYONE dah start to move away dari aku

I guess i have to bawak diri this raya. Where to i don't know.

Episode 100.

It's the 100th post !!!

Hell yeah. After so long blogging, today is my 100th post. Lawl. Oh well. 100 episodes of my life. That's only a tiny drop . There's like a 'tsunami' of episodes if it's written.

Okay. So today, i felt extremely bored. I was feeling fucking locked up at home. Then i got itchy hands asking around my gfs to meet up. Unfortunately they aren't free. And yes!! talked to my online gf today. ahahs! I randomly talked to her today in msn. Partly too because it's been a while we heard each other rantings. Eqa's missed. :) And yes! Hopefully we're so going to head down ice-skating together! It was not lame by the way alright babe. Let's have our first gfs date out together soon !

Dropped by Lot One just now. Man! I was wondering aimlessly again. Haha. Shit this shopping mall has nothing. It's fucking boring. So bought myself make-up accesories and Red Earth's brow kit. Yessa! haha! like finally!

Okay. Im happy/elated/blithe etc etc etc cause our one year three months is so tomorrow. Maybe or may not be meeting him tomorrow. Oh well, its alright. Just remembering is sure enough i guess. :)

Fuck these hate-taggers. Don't they have better things to do?? Gosh. Aimlessly barging into my relationship. So my boyfriend is your ex huh? So is he already too good already or changed much till you want him back? You're just so cheap alright. That is making me feel more like banishing all those malay girls out there, right eqa?? cause they suck. These bitches can just sell off their pussies somewhere, like seriously.

Sometimes, when I say i won't do it & when i've understood enough about things that is sure gonna make YOU mad, i really mean it. My everyday means = rotting at home. Hey. When i've understood enough, where is your understanding?! I ain't pushing the labels but then it is fucking unfair. I'm all scratched inside. I have never entertain men, of all sorts, either friends or so. Then why must you??

Okay. The so last thing is = I'M SKIPPING TERAWIH TODAY. hahah! cause i'm all worked up. head's not in a good condition. been having migraine these few days. Okay! I'm so going to think where my feet is bringing me to tomorrow!!

Episode 99

Changes.

It did happen.

Wondering why i placed that picture in this post? I mean, i did not exactly want that feet there but that arrows. Yeah, you see, sometimes you can't exactly figure out what your next move or fate would be like. It does come unexpectedly sometimes.

Bunked in again this morning with Love. Yes. I was happy, he was too. I mean, it has been a while since we spent time together. If i was a clock stopper, i would have stopped the time and make the day mine. :( Oh well, indeed, i did meet him. Yeah. I was elated just to see him first this morning.

I know, i ain't good. But yes, even if i'm drenched in sins, why would i make a halt in getting guidance from Him. I was glad enough i knew Love's cousin, Aini. She's fun to be with and we share things in common. I am deeply happy to see how i bonded with her in this short period of time. Today, after Terawih prayers, Aini and I together with two more friends went 'lepak-ing' at the playground. It was hilarious! Laughing along at how 'fanatic' we were about children. Tak sabar nak kahwin ke semua?? Hahs. Looking forward to seeing them in the days to come. At least i got some time off, laughing & smiling along with these people. :)

Sometimes, when we want and expected things the way we wanted it to be, we kind of failed. And when we failed, that is the part we have a huge downturn for ourselves. That feeling sucks and i've been experiencing it sometimes. You see, in family, in relationship, in fate, in life. Almost everything we want to shape it the way we wanted to be. There's just that one thing i'm expecting badly and i wish to see that happen one fine day. And when it happens, i won't be different no more. :) I pray hard, He will answer my prayers.

Insyallah.

I leave it all to you, your decisions and all. I am no one no be standing in between your every ways. I realise the fact, so accepting the painful fact wouldn't be much for me i guess. I might have just hear and maybe 'pretend' that i'm smiling even when i'm not. I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm dumbfounded, I'm confused. With things that I should be accepting that will make you happy. So do it if it does make you smile. I'll smile along in sorrow and pain.

boyfriend had his hair highlighted

girlfriend had extensions **

after that due long commotions, we finally resolved to a happy ending. hell yeah. boyfriend admitted he can't just take a break from me for such that long time and for me as well! a long talk we had and yeah, met him up on monday after visiting my sec sch and we headed down to geylang to survey our raya clothes.

wondering why i had those asterisks beside the word 'extensions ** ' ?? haha. cause i'm going to revamp my hair soon! ohh yeah! hahas. this extensions is temporary cause i'm getting a fresh look this raya. hee. this raya would be meaningful cause it's the second time celebrating it with lovee! how great it is! this is just my first time being this long with someone. and gosh, lovee swept me off my feet.

today will be heading down to lovee's crib i suppose. will be accompany mum for buka. and yeah, i cant fast for the next 5/6 days due to 'the time of the month'. missing prayers too. =( saddening. but it's okay. gotta pay back the hutang puasa! hahas. okay okay, i hope today we can finally get on hands on our baju raya. lovee's got hooked on the black songket couple baju kurung and me, i'm so wearing a kebaya. be more like a girl! haha!